That’s Hollywood For You

I wonder if Jayne Mansfield will turn in a good acting job before her publicity runs out . . . Shelley Winters is trying to find herself so she can be herself . . . Tony Curtis had a “West Side Story” childhood. “I had every chance in the world to grow up to be a hood or a bum,” said Tony, who found out crime only pays when you’re paid to play a gangster in a movie… I wish Frank Sinatra would sing “My Time of Day” and “It’s All Right with Me” in his next album . . . In my book, there’s never been a more convincing woman spy than Marlene Dietrich . . . Charles Everett Pratt, Don Court and Queenie Thompson are the real names of an actor who scares you, a comedian and a glamorous actress. Can you guess who they are?

I’d say Brigitte Bardot’s structure is becoming as well known as the Eiffel Tower . . . “Real success,” claims Don Murray, “is not just living happily, but fruitfully.” . . . As for happiness, here’s Oscar Levant’s comment: “It isn’t something you experience; it’s something you remember.”

Liz Taylor is so beautiful, she makes Mike Todd look good . . . Description of Miss Taylor and “Raintree County”: “Long, long reels awinding into the land of her dreams.” . . . After a long and careful study, I’d say that for a blonde, a mink coat is part of her uniform . . . Joan Collins may be English, but she has American-style sex appeal . . . All right, I’ll talk: The reel name of that actor is Boris Karloff, the comedian is Ken Murray, and the actress is Merle Oberon . . . To be embroidered for framing: “In Hollywood even a Man’s Best Friend is his Enemy.”

I’m afraid it’s true that Suzy Parker performs better in still pictures than she does in moving pictures . . . Too many actresses try too hard to prove they’re sexy. Ava Gardner doesn’t have to prove it . . . Audrey Hepburn believes that only those people who are absolutely definite succeed . . . Most times. Burt Lancaster is impatient of such indulgences as liking or not liking a person . . . Knock, knock: Susanne Burce, Nathan Birbaum and Yewell Tomkins are the real names of an actress, a comedian and an actor . . . I’d like to know what those autograph hounds do with their filled autograph books . . . June Allyson talks as if she had laryngitis, and Julie London sings as if she had laryngitis, but June and Julie don’t sound alike.

Zsa Zsa Gabor contests the contention that “It’s a man’s world” and has had three husbands who will agree with her . . . I’d say it’s no middle of the road with Rita Hayworth. Either she’s deeply in love or she isn’t in love at all . . . There are exceptions to what I’m going to tell you, but if you look at a girl’s mother, you can get a preview of what the girl will look like in future years . . . When Mamie Van Doren visited the Los Angeles City Hall, she was escorted into the Council chamber. There, Mamie said to a councilman, “I didn’t know you fellows had meetings.”

Jose Ferrer lives quietly in a frantic way . . . I don’t know any actors who are more polite than Elvis Presley, Pat Boone and Tommy Sands. I’ll have to ask Emily Post if this is part of rock ’n’ roll etiquette . . . Meanwhile, the reel name of that actress is Jane Powell, the comedian is George Burns, and the actor is Tom Ewell . . . Rita Moreno said it: “I glory in being a girl and take every advantage of it.” And believe me, she’s got some mighty good advantages.

I’m of the opinion that Kirk Douglas is his favorite actor . . . Mickey Rooney is Lana Turner’s ex-husband’s ex-wife’s ex-husband. This is just a sample of the Hollywood marriage circle . . . Kim Novak said it: “Just looking beautiful on the screen doesn’t make you a better person.” . . . I have it on good authority that Barbara Rush often wears a red chiffon nightgown to bed . . . When Natalie Wood asked Robert Wagner what he would do if he were out of movies, R.J. replied: “Try to get in again.” . . . Shirley Booth told me why she prefers the stage to television: “I grant you that millions of people can see me on TV. The trouble is that I can’t see them.”

Susan Strasberg gets a big laugh in “Stagestruck,” playing an actress and saying that she doesn’t want to and doesn’t need to go to the Actors Studio. Susie has the same acting coach as Marilyn Monroe on the set with her—Paula Strasberg . . . Marlon Brando’s marriage also surprised a number of secretaries (some Marlon had taken to lunch; others had visited him on “The Young Lions” set) at 20th-Fox. Said one: “Marlon told me he was serious about Anna Kashfi, but he never mentioned marriage.” . . . Jane Russell is going to adopt a fourth baby . . . Carolyn Jones is very sexy in “Marjorie Morningstar.” . . . Dubbed in: The final gesture Barbara Rush makes before getting into bed is to dab herself with perfjme.

Biggest laugh in “Pal Joey” (reels of entertainment) is when Frankie prepares eggs for breakfast with Kim Novak and says: “You can’t go through life on Wheaties alone.” . . . “Cary Grant laughs when people say Bing Crosby, Gary Cooper et al ‘Just play themselves.’ ” according to Films in Review. “There’s nothing more difficult than appearing natural while the cameras are turning,” says Cary.

Tab Hunter took Venetia Stevenson to the “Raintree County” premiere. Venetia didn’t say a word during the entire picture; not even a “Yes” that Tab wants to hear. And oh yes, Tab is taking modern interpretive dancing from Saida Gerrard.

An adult western is one the kiddies understand . . . As you know, Joanne Woodward plays a triple role in “The Three Faces of Eve.” The only trouble director Nunnally Johnson had on the set was to keep Joanne Woodward from trying to steal scenes from the other two Joanne Woodwards. That’s Hollywood For You!

THE END

—BY SIDNEY SKOLSKY

It is a quote. PHOTOPLAY MAGAZINE JANUARY 1958