Time To Cal A Halt—Fernando Lamas

Regardless of what you may read elsewhere in gossip-hungry items, Fernando Lamas is an honest man emotionally and otherwise. Pretext and phoniness have no place in his scheme of things—and you can include the affairs of the heart in that.

Recently the debonair Latin American star, who’s currently appearing in “Rose Marie,” has been quite ill. He has spent much of his time alone—and he has had plenty of time to think about a lot of things. Being an emotional man, one of the problems he has tried to figure out is romance and its somewhat cataclysmic effects on a person who is of a basically sensitive nature.

“I’ve heard of people who are happy because someone loves them,” Fernando says quietly. “I don’t believe this is real happiness. I think you’re happy only when you love someone very much. It is real living and loving when you plan things to make the person you love happy, when you’re careful of her feelings, when you can give the best of yourself without expecting anything in return.

“I’m very emotional. I jump in feet first. Sometimes I’m very unselfish in my relationship with others and sometimes I’m not. But I still say, it’s the greatest thing in life to be able to love someone completely and unselfishly.

“I believe that basically men and women look for the same qualities—honesty and sincerity—in someone they can love. Women, however, have a tendency to look for a healthy, sane, open, giving love. They also like the feeling that they’re being protected and men should put their protection first and foremost in their minds. They should defend them at all times. If women can’t feel that men will protect them, their love goes out the window.

“As for men, I can only speak for what I want in a woman. I look primarily for tenderness and understanding—and I admit that covers a lot of territory. I really think that after a hard day’s work a man wants to be able to talk to his wife about his problems and difficulties and know she will understand him.

“While I was ill I thought a good deal about my future—and my past. I thought about my emotions. I suddenly realized I couldn’t push life around. I had to let it happen to me and try to find its natural course. There is no point in forcing things. I now feel more content inside, I feel happier. Maybe I am learning to live with myself. And to accept myself for what I honestly am.”

This is pretty much the only recourse left for a guy who has experienced love and has found something lacking in the previously idyllic relationship. And this brings up the point of: when does any man call a halt to a romance? When does he come out of his dream-like trance and face facts? When does he come face to face with a not-so-pretty truth?

“When a man and a woman fall in love,” Fernando comments, “it’s a beautiful thing in the beginning.” He gives her a lot of compliments because he loves her and she idealizes him. But how can he tell when the charming picture has started to turn somewhat sour? You know, it’s often hard to see reality in the face of a dream.

“Any fellow can begin to wonder what is happening to his ideal romance when the girl’s compliments turn to criticism. When she starts complaining about the very characteristics she once loved in him. Suddenly, she makes demands where before she asked for little. All these are clues to him that the romance is getting a bit shaky.

“I’ve known women who have tried to change me—and while I want to change enough to be a better person, I don’t believe in making a campaign out of making over anyone. In the first place, it can’t be done. I don’t believe in destroying another individual under the guise of ‘I only want to help you improve!’

“If a man finds he is being lied to, that he is being taken for a sleigh ride, he should certainly not let the attachment continue—even though breaking it off might be hard for him.

“However, no man should naively think he’ll never be fooled by a woman. All of us have been—and all of us will be. It’s part of the experiences we have to go through. I’ve been fooled, but I harbor no bitterness because of it.

“Some men hope that they can instill love in a woman’s heart—and they hang on hoping. You can never force a human being to love you. So a man does walk out—and he’s shattered for a while. He has times when he wants to walk right back into the situation again simply because he’s lonely. That is when he has to pull himself together and realize somehow how lucky he really is. All right, so he suffers for weeks or months or maybe a year or two, but it will still be healthier this way. I don’t believe in any man’s letting himself get into the place where he stops being a man, where he stops having dignity.

“The best antidote for a broken romance that I know of is to concentrate on other things, to work harder than you ever have. Problems are most difficult at night. Sleepless nights build into terrible things, so take advantage of the chance to be in the sun, to be with friends.

“Some people have the tendency to be cynical after a romance has gone sour. I don’t believe in letting an unhappy experience make you want to hurt someone else.

“I also don’t believe in falling in love on the rebound. I can’t see any reason for it—except that it’s an emotional reaction.”

In short, if your girl—or your guy—is playing a game with you by trying to make you unreasonably jealous, if you’re being lied to, if you’re being criticized too much, if you find it hard to please the other person where once everything you did was fine—then run to the nearest exit!

As for Fernando, he’s taking his own advice. He’s living the quiet life now. He’s spending time with friends and he’s gathering his own forces.

And he’s not interested in dating at the moment! This should not be surprising. In case anyone is interested in facts, this man, who has allegedly been the Casanova of Hollywood, has only dated two women in town in over three years!

As for the guys and their romances, if you get knocked flat on your face, don’t forget you had a chance to walk out like a man. Next time, lower the boom yourself; don’t let it be lowered on you.

THE END

—BY JACK HOLLAND

 

It is a quote. SCREENLAND MAGAZINE JULY 1954